2009, A Year of Hard Loss

I have not written a new blog post in over nine months.  When I look over my last blog post and see the title “Hope for the Heavyhearted,” I am reminded that we all have times of heavyheartedness due to many things in our lives.  We have people, circumstances, sin, and other elements in life that cause us to grieve and feel the loss and disappointment we experience in this broken world.  Nine months ago I had no idea of the journey God would take me on and the depths of sorrow, hurt, disappointment and loss he would bring me to.

I was due to be married in August of 2009, to a beautiful woman named Tess.  Our plan was to get married, move to San Diego, and continue to minister with The Navigators on the campus at the University of California, San Diego.  As many people know, this was the first and most fierce disappointment in my heart and life this year.  In May of this year, Tess took a trip to see old friends from college, 10 days before I would return for the summer from San Diego to Colorado Springs.  On this trip Tess experienced an extremely traumatic and life changing time and events that would alter both of our lives and hearts, challenging our relationship with each other and our God.  Due to the severity of these events, our wedding was cancelled.  We both were faced with grieving the loss of our plans.  Many issues of the heart surfaced in this time and continue to do so as we face deep questions and seek Gods face.

Consequences of what happened include cancelling our wedding and all plans, lifting our relationship to the Lord and holding it and any future with open hands, needing to move back to Colorado this year, leaving the ministry and people I have invested in back in San Diego, having to begin a new spot in ministry and work this year, and dealing with all of the emotional and spiritual unrest of the overall situation.

As an update in this current situation, Tess and I have both been receiving counseling, support, and grace from all corners of life and relationships.  I have been knocked over by Gods amazing love and his ability to make beauty out of the ashes of the heart.  My heart in May became so entangled with grief, sorrow, sadness, and questioning.  Today, I continue to grieve the loss of plans, I have questions of what God is doing and where he is leading, and still feel a deep sorrow over this painful situation, the sting of sin, and the overall brokenness of our world.  However, as always, God has shown himself so extremely strong on my behalf.  My relationship with Him continues to traverse the depths further and further as he takes my heart further into Him.  I am beginning to more fully understand Gods heart for his people, his grace and forgiveness and the why this is so important and weighty, and just know Him more intimately. 

God has entrusted me with this situation and is leading me on where to go and how to handle it.  He has also chosen to allow other events and losses to occur during the last nine months.  Sadly, this summer, my Grandma Holechek passed away on my dad’s side.  The Lord took her to be with Him in paradise and brought an end to her physical pain.  Then in November, my Grandpa Harrison on my mom’s side passed away a bit more unexpectedly.  The Lord decided to take both of these dear and influential grandparents within a 6 month period.  They are dearly loved and missed.

Another sobering event that happened this fall was the loss of a student from our UCSD ministry.  A student who had been involved in the UCSD ministry for a few years and was a senior last year, unfortunately took his own life.  I had the opportunity to meet him last year and he spent his first quarter of his senior year involved in the ministry, leading and serving.  This has shaken some of the older students in the ministry, along with the staff team.  It is hard at times to know how to feel or what to say in this situation. 

Finally, as many of you know, my mom has been battling ovarian cancer for the past four and a half years.  Over the last six months to a year, her cancer numbers and chemo effectiveness have been more up in the air and uncertain.  The Lord has sustained her for this many years and he continues to do so, but the instability of the cancer cell numbers and the chemo therapy effectiveness have made it a very difficult trial and test the last few months for our family.  We are trusting the Lord for His will to be done and praying and asking for Him to continue to sustain her and possibly heal her.  Please join us in praying when the Lord brings it to mind.

Thank you for all you have done for me and my family in all seasons of life.  Thank you for reading and praying for all God is doing in and through me.  Thank you for journeying with me through life. 

All in all, this year was a year of unexpected loss and profound joy amidst pain.  The Lord is teaching me everyday what it truly means to trust Him for my daily bread.  One thing He has made known to me and to all who seek Him is even in a world of brokenness and loss, Jesus is the one and great REDEEMER of each heart and life.  I am learning so much about the character of Christ and His helping to fill me in the places where I feel deep loss and sadness.  Nothing else will do. 

Hope for the Heavyhearted

This week has been one of ups and downs.  While meeting with different students this week, it is clear God is doing a work in the lives of each student.  It seems for some, that right now it means dealing with some hard issues in life. 

We started Monday morning talking to one of our older students who is considering going to Russia on a month long missions trip with The Navigators this summer.  This in it's self is not necessarily a hard issue in life.  But, it is neat getting to watch the process of him seeking the Lord on his plans, what he should do for the summer, and what it really looks like to seek God out on a decision.  As he goes through this process it's neat to be able to open up the scriptures and look at what God says about a number of factors such as money, futures and jobs, timing, and serving him.  It's also cool to see how God has put previous life examples and stories of my own in my life, to share and help give advice on certain topics such as decision making.  Please pray for David as he continues to seek the Lord and makes a decision on his summer plans and Russia.

That same day we visited a freshmen guy we have spent some time with and had some bible studies with his friends in his dorm.  After talking to him for a little while he let us know that his family is going through some really tough times and it affects them all it sounds like.  He couldn't give us details as to what was happening, but it was a big deal.  We asked him how he was doing with it and what he was feeling, he expressed anger with God.  This is a very honest emotion and reaction.  He said, "I have all the right answers and the Bible knowledge, but right now... I don't know."  This time with this student was a very sobering, yet a good time of getting down to the raw side of our relationship with Christ.  What does it look like for us when the entire world is crumbling down?  Where do we turn?  We know our hope is in God, but do we always feel it?  Do we know what that will look like when tragedy hits?  We prayed for him and just sat and talked for a while.  Please keep this particular student and his family in your prayers.  Pray that he will experience ultimate hope and dependence on our Lord and Savior.  Pray that this will only bring him and others closer to God and that God will use it as a testimony to his Love.

On Tuesday we picked up another student for Bible study.  We ended up going to lunch and he told us the news of his grandfather passing away the night before.  As he told us he was due to travel home during Spring Break to spend some time with his grandfather, who he was extremely close to, I could hear the heartbreak and sorrow in his voice.  My heart broke with his.  Now, this student is dealing with thoughts of eternity, family mourning, where is God in this situation, and where does he turn to go on in the day to day.  Again, through these really tough and real situations of true heartache and pain, God is there and uses these times to lead us more and more to him, if we are willing to find comfort in his arms.  For me, it's been so neat to build a friendship with this students and see him grow as a man of God.  Once again, will you please pray for him as he is faced with immediate loss and questioning. 

2 Thessalonians 2:16-17 

¹⁶May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loved us and by his grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope, ¹⁷encourage your hearts and strengthen you in every good deed and word.

Thank you for all your prayers for these students.  Also, I would just like to thank all of you who take the time out of your busy days and weeks to stop by read what is happening in my life and in the lives of those around me, especially the students at UCSD.  I love you all.  For a short update on personal prayer requests please read on to the next paragraph.

In personal news, please pray for my parents as they are taking a much needed break from work for the cruise they have hoped to go on for years.  Please pray for my mom, that God would give her the energy needed to enjoy the cruise fully, as she is still on chemotherapy.  Pray that they would have a great time together with friends and as a couple.  In other traveling news, my fiancee Tess and I will be taking off in a week to spend some time with her parents, along with trying to fit in some wedding details and continue our premarital preparation time with a couple who are mentoring us in the area of marriage and life.  Thank you so much for all of your prayers and love.  I will try to update you again soon and hopefully will have a newsletter for you by the first week of April.

P.S. If anyone knows of any great ideas or deal for a Maui honeymoon, please let me know ;)  Just thought I would ask. Thanks!

Remember Conference 2009

"Remember the days of old; Consider the generations long past. Ask your father, and he will tell you, Your elders, and they will explain to you."

This past weekend we had our annual regional student conference.  this year the conference was called Remember.  The theme was all about the stories of long ago and remembering where God has brought us all from.  The conference was held in Pine Valley, CA.  Schools from California, Arizona, and even Hawaii joined up together to hear teaching from the word of God, worship together, and fellowship together.  It was an amazing weekend of fun and growth. 

We heard four different messages from two campus leaders, the parents of our regional leader, and the director of the Middle East Navigators.  These ranged in topic from "What does a full life look like?" to "The blood of Jesus."  Also during the weekend we had two breakout workshops all attendees picked beforehand.  These covered topics from Guy/Girl Relationships, to How to Disciple someone, and also Jesus in Popular Culture.  There were about 10 to choose from.  A lot of our students attended the relationship workshop, as this is a very hot topic in the college years, as we all know ;).  It was fun being able to talk about subjects and dig into the Word to look at what God says about relationships.  All of the male students woke up on the second morning early together in order to spend some time looking at the example of Isaac and Rebekah in Genesis 24.  It is so encouraging and exciting to see students really dig into the word and have a desire to learn what God has to say about certain topics.  Another workshop that seemed to be a popular    one with our students was the Biblical Masculinity workshop which looked at Genesis 1-3.  Everyone learned so much this weekend and it's neat to share what we've all learned and see it applied. 

The last night of the conference after the large group meeting, we played games.  This was a great time for our campus ministry to get to know other students from other campuses.  Our school had a great time hosting a few games of "Mafia!"  This is a classic game our fellowship enjoys playing together and it was a great way to new people involved and comfortable. 

Will you please pray that as we continue on after the conference and as the weeks pass, I and everyone else from the conference will continue to seek God, apply what we've learned, and encourage each other as it is often times after great spiritual passion that the evil one attacks others.  This has been a great time for our ministry and we pray God will continue to use it for HIS glory.   

A New Quarter, a New Nav Night

Welcome back to UCSD!  We are already weeks into the Winter Quarter at UCSD.  We have revamped our Nav Nights, continuing our Bible Discussions, been to a students conference, and seeing students grow more and more. 

Last quarter our Nav Nights theme was serving as a team.  This  quarter we really want to help our students recruit and reach out to their non believing friends.  So instead of doing a service project every other week, we decided we would have our normal Nav Night Bible Study time an d then have a different, fun activity afterward every night.  We also moved them to Friday nights as to make it as accessible to all the studying students of UCSD.  This has been a blast to see new faces come to our Nav Nights.  Also, this quarter we are going through the book of Ephesians.  This has been a great place to take our fellowship into a little deeper material and look at what it looks like to be the body of Christ and many other things. 

One of our first weeks activities was taking the group out to Boomers for some miniature golf.  This was actually a really cool way we saw God provide.  All that week leading up to Friday night we had been looking for coupons for miniature golf at boomers, so as to make it cheaper for the students.  We couldn't find any all week.  That Friday, we had our Bible Study in Ephesians with all of the students and went down stairs in the Price Center to get dinner together as a group.  As we went downstairs, an employee for Panda Express was handing out coupons for a free entree.  So we decided to go there for dinner.  God provided a cheap dinner.  However, once we got there, ordered our food, and went to check out, they handed each of us another coupon.  This coupon was an exact answer to prayer.  The coupon was for a free round of mini-golf at Boomers!  That's it.  No other purchases necessary or anything.  Just a coupon for free miniature golf.  So we ended up all getting in free and saving over $100!  God is awesome!  It was a great example for the students to see God provide, even in the little things.

BIG NEWS Over Christmas Break!!

In December, the students at UCSD get Christmas Break.  That means as a staff person who ministers to college students my primary job of investing in students on campus gets put off for a few weeks.  However, there are many other parts of the job that we continue to work on during the holidays, such as fundraising, donor communication, Bible Study prep, planning for the next quarter, and staff training and development. 

The first week of the Christmas break was spent in training and development at our EDGE Corps Summit.  We have summits in the summer and winter.  EDGE Summits are times when all the EDGE Corps staff from across the country come together and receive training, get refreshed, and learn and share about the different things God is doing all across the country on different campuses.  It's an extremely encouraging time!  The summit took place at Glen Eyrie Castle, the official headquarters and home of The Navigators.  During the summit we had different classes on the New Testament, relationships and marriage (more on this topic later in this post), intentional friendships, having a vision for the World, and more!  This was a great time for refreshing after our first quarter of ministry for the year.  It was also so fun to connect with many friends who are also doing EDGE Corps in other places around the country. 

The break was a really neat time to be with my family.  All of my sibling were able to come out for break.  Unfortunately, my brother Dave and his wife Stacy got delayed in Seattle and had to stay there through Christmas, but they were able to make it out the day after Christmas.  This Christmas was also the first Christmas that Tess got to spend with my entire family.  I also got to spend a lot of quality time with my close friends back home, whom I had left and had not seen much of over the previous four months.  It was really fun! 

And there was one other reason this Christmas break was so amazing!  The Big News...

I GOT ENGAGED!!!!! 

That's right!  Tessica White, who I have been dating since last year, and I got engaged this Christmas!  December 23rd to be precise.  For a long time now I have been praying about Tess and I and our future together.  Over the period that we have been dating, God has really melded our hearts together more and more and has led closer and closer.  Spiritually and emotionally of course, due to us being in two different states at the moment, I in California and she in  Colorado.  From the start we both saw God working in our lives and our relationship.  One thing I loved about how we started dating was that God brought Tess into my life in a way that I could not and did not try to put together or make work myself.  Before we had met, God had taken us both through trying times that made us rely upon Him more and more and begin to surrender our lives and futures to Him.  And for some reason, he found fit to bring us into each others lives.  We have both been extremely grateful and excited at what God had done in our lives and who he had brought into our lives.  Little did we know at the time he would slowly bring those two lives closer and closer together through Him.  Though we have had hard times, God has always seen us through them and used our relationship to remind us of His awesome love, grace, and to see and try to personify his character.  Especially when our dating relationship changed gears into long distance mode, we have had to trust him even more with our future together.  More and more, time and time again, God gave resounding confirmation that this relationship was one that honored and pleased Him.  And honestly, it has been more than a pleasure for us, and I am truly honored to have the chance to know Tess!

   I am so excited to be engaged to Tessica White.  She is a godly woman with such a servants spirit.  One of the first thing that really made an impression on me was how much she tried and extended herself to my parents and my friends.  She just seemed to fit perfectly amongst both groups of family and friends.  One of the first talks we had together was about our similar heart to have ministry be a part of our lives in whatever fashion God would call.  That was something I had not seen in a whole lot of girls I had been around in the past and it energized me to be sharing hopes and interests with someone who felt some of the same ways.  Tess comes from missionary parents who Pastor a church in France.  In this way we have been able to understand a little bit of where the other is coming from, both having ministry parents.  Another thing that I found so attractive and intriguing was the knowledge and experience Tess had in the world.  Growing up in France, she has experienced many parts of the world that I have only seen in movies and read in books.  The fact that she was fluent in two or three languages was pretty impressive too ;)  I know it is such an encouragement to both of us that we both come from parents and families who love the Lord.  Honestly, I could go on for quite sometime about all of the things I love about Tess and what has attracted me more and more to her, but I should probably stop there.  If you would like to know more about her just ask.  Oh, did I mention she is the most amazingly beautiful woman I know?  God has blessed her with a truly natural inner and outer beauty.  How did I get so lucky and blessed?  I thank God everyday for Tessica.

*****This next section is for those who would like the detailed events of how I proposed.  If you know the story or would prefer to skip this section, I have placed a few pictures at the end of this post.*****

On December 23rd, 2008 I picked Tess up from her work with a bouquet of roses.  I told her I wanted to take her out on a nice date, because I don't get to take her out often, due to living in another state. Tess suggested that maybe we could try out the Jack in the Box fast food restaurant that recently opened near her house :).  I said, well we could go there, or I made reservations for Biaggis if you like.  She was more than happy to go to Biaggis instead.  Biaggis is a nice Italian restaurant and the first place we ever went out to eat.  It was fun going back there and talking about the first time we hung out and got to know each other.  After having her favorite dessert, tiramisu, I suggested we drive around town and look at all of the Christmas lights.  Before we checked out lights around town, we got come coffee.  I took her to the first place we ever met, Starbucks.  We got our favorite drinks, sat, and talked for a while.  We reminisced over all the things God had done in our   lives and relationship since first meeting.  We got back in the car and I suggested we check out the castle at Glen Eyrie.  This is where I had planned to propose and share different things God had laid on my heart having to do with Tess and I, and show her places where I had spent time praying for her and us.  However, this is where the comedy of errors begins.  We pulled up to the driveway of the Glen and discovered the property was blocked off with cones and signs saying closed.  They had just shut down the property that night for Christmas.  So, it was on to plan B.  We turned around and I suggested we head down to the Broadmoor.  The Broadmoor is a nice, old hotel and resort in south Colorado Springs.  It's a very beautiful location with a lake that runs through the property.  While trying to get down to the Broadmoor we took a wrong turn and ended up in a completely wrong location.  After turning back and correcting the turn a few miles back, we finally reached the Broadmoor. :)

We got valet parking and walked into one of the two main hotels.  The hotels were all decked out with Christmas lights, a huge gingerbread house, fireplaces, and Christmas trees.  After checking  out all of the neat things in the first hotel we walked outside to check out the pond and walk to the other hotel.  It was fairly cold outside with snow on the ground and the trees all decorated with lights and ornaments.  We walked around and took  a few pictures together.  Looking around I saw that it was perfectly quiet and calm outside and it would make it the perfect location to propose.  I decided we would walk to the other hotel to check it out inside and when we returned back outside, I would propose in the stillness of night.  We walked into the other hotel and right away Tess could smell lilies everywhere in the main lobby.  Unfortunately, she is allergic to lilies.  So, we quickly moved to some side rooms and halls to look at the rest of the venue.  Knowing we were heading outside I began talking a little more deeply and intentionally about our future.  However, right after walking outside a family with cute little kids exited behind us.  The little kids followed and walked next to us.  For some odd reason, all of a sudden there were a lot more people outside.  It was pretty funny how it worked out that way.  So after walking back over to the first hotel we walked around for a few minutes trying to find somewhere to sit and talk.  With a little convincing I suggested we venture outside once more to look around a little more ;)  I pointed out a spot we had not gone to yet, which was off to the side with a few sweet lampposts and snow all around.   We stopped and talked a for a minute.  I looked at Tess and kissed her.  I told her I wanted to give her my Christmas present a little early this year.  She said OK.  I got down on one knee and asked her, Tessica Lanelle White, Veux tu m'epouser? I asked her to marry me in French.  She said Oui!  Yes, of course. :D  I put the ring on her finger and we had a long embrace.  It was an amazing time!  And yes, she cried.   After taking some pictures and enjoying the time and joy of the moment, we headed back my house,  where my parents and sister were waiting with Champagne  to toast our engagement.  It was a joyous time!  And it continues to be today.

WE ARE SO EXCITED TO GET MARRIED.  It will have wonderful times and hard times, but we will be together through it all and have God to trust in and rely on.  Please pray for us as we prepare for our lives together.  I will continue to update you all with what is happening in our relationship and in the plans for the future!  We love you all. 

Here are a few of our engagement photos: